Counting

Melbourne Train Girl lay in bed as he slept. Her eyes were open, his were closed, his mind was quiet, hers was loud. The morning she had woken and taken the bus to the travel agent the other side of her bed had been bare. But now as she is starting to pack the other half is sleeping and warm.

The noise in Melbourne Train Girl’s head clucked loudly. What if, what if, what if, what if! You will be gone he will like someone better. You will be gone he will think you’ve forgotten him. You will be gone he’ll leave you behind on a train somewhere, and you’ll fall between the seats to collect lost sweets and coins and dust and strands of strangers’ hair. You will be gone and he will keep going. You will be gone.

Melbourne Train Girl counted in the dark on her fingers.

Days before leaving: 23

Days before home again: 104

The second number was much too big and it grew in the shadows on the walls as she traced the lines of its digits with her hands.

Days before home minus days before leaving makes days away: 81

Divide into groups of 10 days makes only 8 and a pinch.

Melbourne Train Girl closed her eyes, happy with the final number and slept.